• Hannah Duncan

10 Jokes for Investment Managers

Updated: Jan 7, 2020

This might be the worst idea I ever had. Let’s do it.

We all like a rubbish joke right? The kind which ignites facepalms and leave only the joke-teller laughing. Here are my ten ridiculous gags for investment managers to help brighten up the season. I’ve written them myself, with a giant Santa to keep me company (shout out to Coffee Bank, East Finchley).

Please feel free to use them in homemade Christmas crackers, empty spaces in cards… Or to make an awkward party silence even more awkward :) Here goes, my top ten homemade jokes for investment managers...

Merry Christmas!

Two stocks are whispering... “At this time of year, nobody likes to be a loan”

Why do investors cut their hair short? To get the fringe benefits

Why were the bankers feeling grumpy? Because they never get any credit

Why was the snowflake scared of landing on an ATM? Instant liquidity

What do you say to a greedy investor? Share!

Where do traders hang their winter clothes? On an adjustable peg

Today I was told off again for using jargon at work, but I really was talking about my problematic back-end load.

Why did everyone fall asleep at the bond and debt Convention? There was little or no interest

What do you call a Swiss Banker? Frank

What’s hard, long and fruity? A complex derivative in favour of the orange market.

... I tried to tell this last one to my poor boyfriend, to test it out. I can't tell you why, but it's my favourite. I couldn't say it for laughing. I had to sit on the floor and try to keep breathing. Needless to say, he just smiled politely. I guess its been a long day!

I hope some of these made you chuckle and I wish you all the best of the season!

If you like my jokes and writing, you can find out more here.

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© 2020 by Hannah Duncan