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  • Writer's pictureHannah Duncan

10 Jokes for Investment Managers

Updated: Dec 15, 2022

This might be the worst idea I ever had. Let’s do it.

Hannah Duncan

We all like a rubbish joke right? The kind which ignites facepalms and leave only the joke-teller laughing. Here are my ten ridiculous gags for investment managers to help brighten up the season. I’ve written them myself, with a giant Santa to keep me company (shout out to Coffee Bank, East Finchley).

Please feel free to use them in homemade Christmas crackers, empty spaces in cards… Or to make an awkward party silence even more awkward :) Here goes, my top ten homemade jokes for investment managers...

Merry Christmas!

Two stocks are whispering... “At this time of year, nobody likes to be a loan”

Two girls whispering about a secret in the winter

Why do investors cut their hair short? To get the fringe benefits

Lady with a short fringe, lady with short bangs

Why were the bankers feeling grumpy? Because they never get any credit

grumpy dog lying on the floor

Why was the snowflake scared of landing on an ATM? Instant liquidity

Some ice melting

What do you say to a greedy investor? Share!

Sharing nachos

Where do traders hang their winter clothes? On an adjustable peg

hanging up blue jeans to dry on a clothes line with wooden pegs

Today I was told off again for using jargon at work, but I really was talking about my problematic back-end load.

Man looking awkward and suspicious, white man with grey hair and strange smile

Why did everyone fall asleep at the bond and debt Convention? There was little or no interest

man sleeping on the sofa with an orange book on his face

What do you call a Swiss Banker? Frank

White older man in a suit in Europe, thinking, blue tie

What’s hard, long and fruity? A complex derivative in favour of the orange market.

a crate of orange oranges with green leaves

Hannah Duncan Christmas writing, Christmas tree, laptop, young woman, apple computer, on a red sofa, tinsel and lights, copywriter at Christmas

... I tried to tell this last one to my poor boyfriend, to test it out. I can't tell you why, but it's my favourite. I couldn't say it for laughing. I had to sit on the floor and try to keep breathing. Needless to say, he just smiled politely. I guess its been a long day!

I hope some of these made you chuckle and I wish you all the best of the season!

If you like my jokes and writing, you can find out more here.

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